My entire life I have been afraid to love someone in fear of getting my heart broken and with it interfering with my career goals and life. With the two other boyfriends, I wasn't in "love". Of course I was somewhat emotional with them, but I didn't feeel empty without them.

I have been reflecting recently on my life and have thought about my work, school, living arrangements, and family. I live such a complicated but empty life. I think love would fill an emptiness that I have. Coming home to someone, spending time, having fun together, being one flesh. Yes, love is definately someone I want to have right now in my life.

Talking and spending time with Rich definately fills a lot of my emptiness.

Don't you ever have the feeling that you don't exist, or your mind is not there? Love seems to help with this feeling.

Silly me.

I need to stop thinking about money and myself. The reason why I go to school is to make good money. Hopefully with my education I can have a steady job making good money for the rest of my life. I want to be able to afford a nice house, minivan for the kids, private school for the kids, clothes, etc...

I made my mind up at an early age to study hard in school so that I would NOT be working at Burger King. I would NOT be white trash. I WOULD move out of Hammond. I WOULD support myself financially and live a nice comfortable life.

Looks like I'm doing good. On TRACK with my goals in life, most of them anyways.