Diary of a Demented Minnesotan




December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!


December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by
shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do
quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in
shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.


December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The
wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of
the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all
day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to
find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob
says I have to shovel or the city will have it done
and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold,
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes
to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of
the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the
asshole is lying.


December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
says she did but I think she's lying.


December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow,
I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow
plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100
miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the damn snowplow.


December 25

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God,
I hate the snow!

Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife
says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one
more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.


December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!

December 29

Snowed again. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?<SPAN December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. <SPAN The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted. December 31 I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8 Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Well this weekend, I don't think a lot got accomplsihed except sleeping. I managed to clean the apartment, for a few days, feed the cats, do the laundry, do the dishes, and do some ironing. Saturday morning I made the mistake of getting a car wash. It was close to the IIT Rice Campus in Wheaton and the Saturday dupage engineer's expo. I was supposed to help at a booth for power engineering but the person running the actual display didn't show up. I ended up hanging out at the IEEE booth and chatting with career legends. It's amazing. I really wish they wouldn't give me that much attention, its like they haven't seen a female engineer, ever, which may actually be the case... anyways.. one of the guys was around when there was vacuum tubes for all the switches used and it retired in like 1990. Wow. I was born in like 1981... they can go on and on like grandpa simpson..(joking) i didn't want to look rude..but I was going to leave after 30 minutes of nothing to do there. Our booth didn't have any big hands on activies for kids so why would they want to stick around there? Oh there was an old 1952 vintage ham radio with its parts all exposed. That technology is outdated! Oh yes, most of the exhbits at the booth was geared in communications engineering, the topic I like least and know nothing!!! Now if there were power systems exhibits them I could have been more *enthused*.

That Saturday night the ice storm raged down badly on Chicagoland I stayed warm and cozy indoors. The lights flickered and I knew there was a power line distrubance. I thought of logging in to work using my work laptop to see what was going on, but didn't. Fortunately the pager didn't go off. I am glad not to be working Storm Duty anymore and risking my life in driving far away in severe weather to sit around to do mostly nothing and getting paid .. nothing.

Dad called me.

Sunday I ate too much. I made the mistake of buying cadburry eggs 3 sets of 4 for $5 at SuperTarget. I already ate 2 cartons since last Sunday. OINK!!!!

I think I just realized my problem. I buy too much food and treats. I buy too much food that is packaged and not fresh. I need to stop buying the crap that is on sale and buying fresh food. I usually buy the packaged foods in the store that are on sale, stock up, and 1 month later actually eat the product, except for pizza.. that usually goes fast. This is how I go grocery shopping. I look at the price.. if it is reasonable, I can buy that. Like meat for example. Most meat I do not buy at the grocery store because it is like $6-10 and I am only cooking for 1 person. I'm not a good cook when it comes to cooking meats like steak, but I do like ham and turkey. I sometimes buy porkchops, which cost $5-6 and then cook them for Joe. this week I am going to be making the prkchops for myself and having 1 chop for dinner each night.

I bought a few items this weekend, like a new dance pad for my DDR games, a rectifier for my personal laptop, groceries, and some junk at SuperTarget.

I feel like playing some more DDR, but bed time is approaching.

Where did my weekend go?